Another Chance To See Doctor Who… On A Kids Show?

Okay, so th’ Doc may have always been a kids show, and in many ways it still is, but after enjoying the slightly more mature (no, not mature… adult is a better word) Torchwood, the news that one of the final appearances David Tennant will make as The Doctor is gonna be in a for-sure kids show is… disappointing. No way will I miss it, it’s just a bit of a let-down after some really fun episodes. The biggest disappointment during R2D2’s reign as the mastermind behind the show (and it’s spin-offs) has been the lack of grit.

I’m going to put this in context, for those of you who believe there have been ‘dark’ moments in the shows so far. Nothing in the world of The Doctor is gritty. Not even Torchwood‘s faux ‘mature viewers’ angle. Gritty is more than sex and violence, and extends beyond cinematography. Go watch Se7en or take a look through a few dozen episodes of The Wire for the kind of ‘mature’ I was looking for. Characters return from the dead, the world is saved, a new Doctor takes over from the last. Ho-hum.

I want the Time Wars examined at some point. There’s a whole bunch of potential there which has been solidly ignored. Why the hell hasn’t any of the massive interior of the TARDIS been examined either? There’s a swimming pool in there somewhere (which had a thing living in it at one point), as well as a whole array of other interesting locations. That’s a budget issue, ain’t it? C’mon Mr. Davies, I know you’re penny-pinching for Auntie, but take us out of Tennant’s tenure with a fucking bang. Make it must-see television. Pleeease.

I’m getting rather worried that my lasting impression of his portrayal is one cameo in a kid’s show, and that would be a horrible dénouement to the series proper. The possibility that the new kid (whatsisname) might suck is still unresolved despite a lot of support in magazines and newspapers, and he’s starting to feel like Peter Davidson being foisted on kids who liked Tom Baker. Fuck it, Tom Baker IS The Doctor for some people. I had a hard enough time getting to like Chris Ecclestone in the role.

The Sarah Jane Adventures appeared while I wasn’t looking, and I missed a whole bunch of episodes, but from what I’ve seen it isn’t the kind of show I would normally go nuts over. And it has kids in it. For SF this is always a bad sign. I hated the Crusher kid in ST:TNG, thought that the rugrat in War Of The Worlds was gonna pierce my eardrums with her screeching, and absolutely detested Invasion (or whatever the hell the aliens-under-the-sea show was called). There are so few grown up shows around that I’m actually missing The X-Files.

I’m reminded of a spiel I used to deliver to Star Trek: Voyager fans when it was running:

How bad a captain is Janeway? Hmm? First she gets her crew lost thousands of light years from their home – in what must be the definitive example of women drivers, right? Then she takes a guy on board who she’s met for, what, five minutes?

“Want to stay?”
“Sure.”
“Do you have any talents?”

Psst. Cap, you might not want to hit on the lice-ridden stranger you just picked up in a strange part of space, and – for all you know – might think that stealing all your shiny new technology would make good black-market ware. Think with your head, not your crotch.

“I can cook.”
“Welcome aboard.”

Goddamn. The guy is not only allowed to remain on the ship, he’s preparing their food. Great job, Janeway. It’ll serve you right if he poisons you. But wait, this isn’t the best part. Oh no. Janeway is waaay more stupid than she looks, and that is just the appetizer for her moment of utter brain-free decision-making. Cue the drumroll…

She lets his underage lover aboard, and makes no attempt to question the situation. Kes is five years old for fuck sake. FIVE YEARS OLD. I know that randy old bastard Kirk would have re-written the Starfleet regulations regarding sexual conduct aboard a spaceship, but Janeway doesn’t even blink an eyelash.

She doesn’t even consider the moral implications of the alien with a mohawn shacking down with a five year old.

Sorry. It’s been a while since I delivered that particular speech, and it’ll probably be a while before I get to perform it again for the benefit of a Star Trek crowd. Always a fun experience. Not always a safe experience, but always a fun one.

Here’s hoping that Davies has a solid plan for the end of the current Doctor’s reign, or I might have to take the piss out of Doctor Who the next time I get to a convention. Consider this a warning, R2D2.

(There’s about half an hour’s worth of the Voyager jokes, that’s the best bit)