The Graveyard

The Lair Of Gary James

Archive for September, 2018

All the Myriad Ways

Posted by BigWords on September 18, 2018

Firstly, I apologize for any worry that my not-being-online may have caused, and it’s all my fault.

Things didn’t go well, and it seemed better to not expend energy thinking of things which I should have been doing. Looking back over the last year, especially, it is obvious to see that it wasn’t a strategy which was ever going to have a wonderful and happy-ever-after resolution, and any excuse that I was (and still am) feeling crappy probably doesn’t cut me any slack.

The fallout from the implosion of Trinovantus’ launch took five months to get myself clear of. It took almost everything I had left, and I was burned out, exhausted from the constant fighting against cold logic. I’m not 100% sure what properties are free to use, and the thought of dealing with more of the same fills me with dread.

After so long dealing with other people’s agendas, I needed something that was entirely mine. There was a long time when all that I did was fill page after page with notes for the database, hunting down small snippets of information. And making lists, as I have pointed out, seems to have a calming influence.

It was pointed out to me that existing and living are not synonymous. It took a few days to consider the way I could use my time better, which was when I decided to go for broke and seriously update the database. Things aren’t quite at the point where I am in an optimistic mood, but we’ll see how things go. I haven’t thought about The Enchiridion in an age, and the way the comment was worded had something which rung a bell.

The things in my control…

There are things which are completely within my control yet I feel like I ought not to do. Or can’t. While I fully intend to (or at least attempt to) get my head together for long-standing commitments, I’m not ready to jump back into the fray. I’m going to take a little time to work out how I’m going to accomplish some things which have been playing on my mind.

When I was out walking there was a little kid, probably only three years old, who was trailing behind his mother. He had one of those little orange plastic-string bags of chocolate coins – the kind with bright illustrations. His hands were barely large enough to hold them, and as he stumbled on his way managed to drop a couple. Off he went, oblivious to the coins, and when I handed them to him he looked genuinely surprised.

Through all this his mother was attempting to rush off somewhere, yelling at him to keep up, and the thought occurred that maybe looking after her son’s interest should be her priority. The principle of ‘doing good wherever possible’ has been playing on my mind.

I’m too tired (constantly, and in no small degree of discomfort) to make much sense, and should probably be concentrating on things which are entirely within my control.

Everyone had better be good – healthy and happy.

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