The Graveyard

The Lair Of Gary James

What. The. Hell?

Posted by BigWords on January 3, 2010

I have a giant nipple on my wrist. Okay, so I know it isn’t a real nipple, but I don’t know what it is – and calling it a nipple is funnier than imagining it to be some vociferous and malignant portent of my imminent demise – so I’m in wondering… How the hell did I miss something growing out of my wrist, and how long has it been there? I can’t really remember there being any injuries to that wrist (my left arm has sustained some damage over the years, but nothing on my right arm) and I’m 99.9% sure I haven’t sprained my wrist (it doesn’t hurt) so I’m left with the conclusion that it is something else. The other.

Here’s the deal – it feels ‘bouncy’ to the touch (like there is liquid, or pus, or something fleshy under the skin) and it doesn’t hurt. At all. The skin around and on it is white, which means it can’t have been there for too long otherwise the skin would have adapted to the presence of the whatthefuckeveritis. It’s also noticeable to (apparently) everyone else but me. Maybe because I can touch type I have never felt the need to examine my hands too closely, but now I’m pondering just how many writers have died because they took the time to learn touch typing. Damn the universe, and its sense of twisted humor.

So… I’m not gonna suggest what it may be, because that option (second to last paragraph) is unacceptable. Nope. Not even gonna think about it. I do, of course, have to make a doctors appointment as soon as the GP’s is open again, which means a wait of a few weeks until they deem it necessary to see me. Then the interminable wait in their “lounge” (surrounded by malingerers and time-wasters) until there is a free chance to catch three minutes with someone I’ve seen maybe (total) three or four times in my life. Not a prospect I’m particularly relishing, but there is little option other than to bite the bullet.

Anyone makes a joke about excessive masturbation, and I’ll jump down their fucking throats. I’ve been chain-smoking since the lump (a word I hate, by the by) was pointed out to me, and levity isn’t making the thing any smaller. Yes, I know that chain-smoking isn’t a way to properly deal with this – don’t bother admonishing me because I don’t want to hear it. The thing that really bothers me (aside from being unaware of its’ existence for Cthulhu-only-knows-how-long) is that I now have an unknown length of time to wait before I am given any kind of medical advice from the fine folks at the NHS.

I knew I shouldn’t have let my health insurance lapse.


6 Responses to “What. The. Hell?”

  1. Amanda said

    That is one scary looking nipple! I’m sure it’s nothing, don’t get too worried yet. I’ll keep you and your nipple in my prayers…which, how do I go about that? God, please make sure Gary’s nipple is benign?

  2. Regan said

    I’m SO not a doctor, but I wouldn’t get yourself too upset over until you have more of a reason. It could be as simple as this… Ganglion (Since you said it feels more liquid than hard, like a calcium deposit. Aren’t the worst things normally hard lumps?) Again, I have no real advice to offer except to get it checked and stay positive!

  3. bigwords88 said

    I’ve got two (ummm… maybe three) major factors kicking against me here. First off, I’ve been smoking for over half of my adult life, which is a damn scary thought – curse that thirteen year-old self of mine who had to get himself addicted to cigarettes. Second, I have a run of scary diseases in the family. My mother had (in simple language that I still find hard to grasp) the cells that aren’t cancer, but which are what the cancer cells develop from. The third thing is the fact that it is slightly flat on top, which (fron my medical knowledge gained in the last couple of days of extensive surfing) not a good thing…

    Regan – I see that the link says that ganglions are simply lumps under the skin containing fluid. I had one of my genius ideas about an hour after first posting the pics… There was fifteen minutes or so when I seriously contemplated taking a lighter to a needle (because sterilizing things is smart) and piercing the centre of the Thing. I discovered there was a strong pulse coming from the middle of it before I could work up the courage to pierce the skin – the mere thought that it could start pumping out jets of blood tempered my urge.

    I’ve ‘phoned my doctor’s office a bunch of times, but the answering machine is on until some undisclosed time in the future.

  4. Amanda said

    Sorry, the pulse just about made me lose my lunch. STOP GOOGLING! It’s just going to get you worried about something you may not even need to worry about. I don’t know how the medical system works over there, but is there a nurses line that you can leave a message? Or an emergency line? Heck, can you go to the ER to get it checked out?

  5. Tate said

    Dude, I use to get those all the time when I worked out. I actually forgot what it’s called but if when you work out excessively it’s like those little knots show up. If you don’t really work out then there’s probably something else you’re doing that’s causing it to develop, don’t worry it’ll go away on it’s own.

  6. bigwords88 said

    I don’t really excercise, but I do a hell of a lot of typing… Maybe as much as thirty or forty thousand words a day when I have to fix up code, transcribe material and (naturally) the writing. That accounts for about ninety percent of my waking hours, which is a lot considering I really don’t sleep much.

    And yes, Amanda, I’m trying to drag myself away from th’ interwebs array of horrendous images of horrible and incurable diseases and injuries – all of which makes up a large proportion of medical sites. Was it Mark Twain who said a person could die from a misprint? Jeez, you would think that perhaps – just perhaps – medical websites could possibly show some nice stuff instead of the scary stuff.

    The helpline (NHS24) is worse than useless. I’ll find somthing to keep me busy until I can get it checked out.

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