The Graveyard

The Lair Of Gary James

Posts Tagged ‘technology’

So after all that…

Posted by BigWords on March 12, 2020

I’m calling it a day… after nearly two weeks of hanging around outside seemingly abandoned industrial parks, warehouses, and business centers, I’ve finally had enough. Everyone has apparently decided to bugger off at the same time, so there’s little point in torturing myself any further.

I was meant to have quickly tested out a whole bunch of cameras. I was meant to have simple video shots to compare. All this running around, and all I have accomplished is burning through money I need later in the year, getting more frustrated than imaginable, and wasting a lot of time.

The whole point of scheduling meetings was to keep disruption as low-impact as possible, and it was never in the planning to face so many problems – things have a way of going sideways, and this fiasco should have been worked into the schedule.

A few hours somehow ballooned into more than a week without me keeping a tab on the time. The last-ditch attempt to get my hands on an URSA Mini Pro for a couple of hours ate up my weekend, without me so much as setting eyes on the camera, and so it occurs to me that renting all of the cameras, one after another, for a few days each might be a better way to go.

This is going to mean another downwards adjustment to my already shrinking capital, but I can’t go out and start buying everything without at least a little insight into what I am getting for my money.

Ah, but the cameras…

The top tier has been tempting, but possibly too far out of my current budget to seriously consider (unless I can pick them up second-hand). Everyone seems to rave about the ARRI cameras, but I’ve already had the long, long speech about how I would need a horrific amount of add-ons to the body to get it up and running (lenses, a monitor, battery, remote focus grip, and all the bells and whistles), so that’s a serious question mark hanging over the cameras.


The next bunch, with varying degrees of technical limitation, aren’t exactly enticing, and I’m loathe to purchase any before getting a solid idea of their capabilities. I can’t use anything which gives blown out skies, as the desert setting means I’ll need all the variation I can muster, and clouds are going to be desperately needed to keep the image interesting during quiet sequences where characters are walking.

Blackmagic Cinema Camera; Blackmagic Design URSA Mini Pro; Blackmagic Design URSA Mini 4.6K; Canon C300 Mark II Cinema EOS 4K camcorder EF; Canon C700; Canon EOS C300 Mark II Camcorder PL; Canon EOS C500 4K EF; Canon EOS-5D Mark II Camera; Nikon D800 Camera; Olympus E-P5 Camera; Panasonic VariCam 35; Panasonic VariCam LT; Panasonic AU-EVA1; various Red models; Sony PMW-F55

A rather varied bunch, each with recommendations from various people. Some nice folks have warned me about stumping up for an ARRI if there is going to be a minimal crew – and as I’m stripping everything to the bone in order to maximize my (minuscule) budget (by any kind of standards) there isn’t room for a large crew.

Hell, there’s barely room in the budget for any crew, which is why I’m desperately calling in everyone and anyone who fits the bill, and who isn’t going to be focusing on the financial side of things. I’m going to see to it that everyone who contributes to the film is well taken care of, but more than that I’m not willing to speak of just yet. My idea of keeping everyone on board is likely going to bring down a kill order from various unions for upsetting the order of things.

So given that there’s a need to have as much bang for my buck, while I’m looking at some very expensive things, hands-on experience of each is a must. The cameras I end up choosing have to pull their weight, especially given that I’m going to be so far outside of anything resembling easy access. I’m not sure if anyone has actually taken each of the above out into the wilderness and exposed it to the elements, so there may be problems when I get out into the middle of nowhere – it would be awesome if things went entirely to plan, but, as this week has perfectly demonstrated, that’s asking far too much.

The abuse they would need to take – extremes of heat, potential sandstorms, rain, and more – is the scary part. Any of the cameras I choose (and I’ll likely need 3) has to be able to handle whatever it gets thrown at it.

I’m not fussed about the size of the captured image – warmth and color are more important than the number of pixels, and there’s more important things than how it conforms to some arbitrary format. Mostly I’ve been watching Milius’ Conan, Iron Warrior (Ator il guerriero di ferro), and Red Sonja, noting the look as much as anything, but seeing what I want any camera I choose to be capable of reproducing.

But there’s that nagging feeling that there’s something… wrong with the technology at present. Not wrong, perhaps, but certainly not in the spirit of the films this project is hearkening back to. Amando de Ossorio shot everything on film, as did Lucio Fulci, and George Romero’s seminal Night of the Living Dead, and Jean Rollin, Larry Cohen, Herschell Gordon Lewis, Sam Peckinpah, and pretty much every director who I’m ever-so-slightly obsessed by, all used film. Film is right for something that looks and sounds as if it should have been made in the late seventies or early eighties.

Actually, I won’t swear to de Ossorio or Fulci – they might have used video at some point in the eighties, and I don’t have their complete filmography to hand in order to check that. Fulci always struck me as one of those cats who would work with whatever was to hand, like comics publishers during WWII who would print on whatever paper they could get their hands on – didn’t matter if the ink couldn’t adhere to the paper or not, they would blast out as much as they could with what was available. I’m sure he would have used video at some point.

Film cameras are, without a doubt, better than digital.

There’s no question, given that so much time and money has been thrown at making digital cameras output footage which is closer to film, so why should I settle for digital when I can shoot on the real thing? It isn’t an easy choice to make at this juncture, especially as the overwhelming focus seems to be on getting people to fall in love with digital shooting. I’m not in love with digital film. It should have been obvious to me, considering what I would prefer to watch, and as much as I want to get on board with where everyone else is at it feels inessential at the moment – digital simply isn’t where it needs to be as yet.

But there’s good reasons to work with digital, and I can already imagine the points which will be raised by my self-admission that I prefer film to digital.

Finding suitable film stock is going to be a pain in the ass.

A thousand feet of 35mm Kodak stock is going to set me back about four hundred quid, and I’m guessing that I’m going to need between fifteen to twenty thousand feet given the complexity of some of the things I want to try. Remember that this is my baby, and I’m going to do it right, so… Yeah, that’s going to be a serious outlay.

Actually, because I’m a geek, the idea of “pulling an Oliver Stone” is appealing. Super 16, digital, and 35mm thrown into the mix, depending on the scene and the context. And yes, I’m well aware that this is needlessly complicating matters, but it makes me smile a stupid amount when I consider what I could get away with if I chose this option. The only thing I’m absolutely certain of at this precise moment is that the finished film is going to be 1.85:1, because that’s the most pleasing to the eye.

Getting the film processed is going to be a pain in the ass.

This is a reasonable thing for people to think, but (surprisingly) no, there is still enough need for processing that it isn’t exceedingly difficult. There is going to be the issue that the film will be out of my hands – and therefore at the mercy of others – for a while during this, which is worrying, but that’s to be expected.

Shooting on film will likely end up costing more.

About that… I’m not so sure. Things are going to be “holy fuck, you want how much money” either way. It sure isn’t helping my nerves any to see how much money everything is costing right now, and the big ticket items still need to be acquired.

No matter the negatives to its use, I can’t stop the thought that keeps coming back to me: why not use 35mm?

I’m not going to make a sudden choice on this matter, but it is a serious consideration.

Planning a shoot is hard at the best of times, but planning one in the middle of an international medical crisis, and especially because I’m planning a non-English shoot, is way more complex. Attempting to make sure everyone I contact is aware of the language issue explicitly, so that nobody is caught out at a later point, is the main gripe with flurries of emails – these essential little details can get lost in the glut of other information, and I have been mentioning it endlessly when conferring with potential cast and crew.

If anyone is getting sick of hearing that detail, it is only so I can be reassured that nobody will be surprised later.

La sorpresa será cuando aparezca con un disfraz de payaso a las tres de la mañana.

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For the Benefit of Future Historians

Posted by BigWords on April 29, 2019

The Prelude

Because dates matter so much, and often the specifics are lost to time, it is important to make note of when certain ideas, decisions, actions were originated. This isn’t going to be a horrifically in-depth look at what I am doing – mainly because I am not quite at the point where I can happily lead you to the Brand New Thing with confidence (there is still a painful amount of Javascript and PHP to fix), but I can enlighten anyone who is wondering where certain things have gone.

Students of psychology, interested in how a person gets from point A to point B will likely be parsing this post with interest, as it goes some way to explaining why I’ve done certain things in the order in which I have. There are also going to be some (fairly common among creative people) incidents which I am going to be naming and using herein, so be prepared.

Don’t Press the Big Red Button

Lets start with the night of the 23rd of April. Nothing about that Tuesday is really important in and of itself, and it is only the chain of circumstances which exist outside of the day that makes it of note, but because so much focus is placed on when things happen we have to accept this as The Last Day for On This Day posts over on the Database. The date of note should properly be Wednesday the 24th of April, given when I made the decision to halt all pending posts on the Database blog, but I dislike stating the event took place on Wednesday when all the consideration and planning took place the day before.

It’s only slightly sad to see it go, but being buried among all the other things in the Database wasn’t helping On This Day reach its potential. The problem lay in its placement: without an identity of its own, it was only ever going to be an aspect of a sprawling mass of data. Don’t get too upset, if you happen to like that feature – there’s a twist coming. There’s always a twist. In many ways life is somehow more twisty than novels, as you never now where some ‘wham moment’ is going to come, out of the blue, to change things. You’ve got to keep a look-out for the wham moment… It shouldn’t be too difficult to spot.

There Are Two Kinds of Features in the World

There’s an important distinction to be made between the type of things which can only ever be used as part of a greater work, and those which can happily exist in isolation. A great example of this is an EPG – when you want to know what shows are on right now an EPG is a very handy tool to have on your television, but it isn’t something which has much (or any) use if you don’t have a television. How many people, bereft of a television, are going out to purchase a television guide from their local newsagents? Not many, if any, I’ll wager. The EPG is a feature which can only properly be used as part of something greater, in this case (in abstract) network scheduling and (in fixed form) a television.

Within the concept of an EPG there lies a whole bunch of other concepts, unimportant to this train of thought, but I might come back to those. The important thing to take away is that you can’t strip out an EPG and use it, for anything remotely interesting, without the surrounding technology and events which make it useful. It also, crucially, is location-specific. While you may not consider this to be a drawback, if you are using your EPG to find the latest episode of your favorite series, it hampers the use of EPGs globally – nobody in Australia is going to give a moment’s thought to what is currently showing on Norwegian television, and it is unlikely that an American would care what is on French television.

The basic format of an EPG, therefore, can’t be scaled up. There’s no way to deliver a single EPG to the world, and make it useful to all due to the inherent limitations.

We need another example, so how about we take a gander at maps.

Maps used to be considered as giant, unruly things, which needed to be manhandled back into a more compact form when they were used. Folded over and over, they rapidly made users lose patience when attempting to locate that one street, but have, in the modern age, ballooned into big business. Do an internet search for a company, and you will likely find a map in the top right of your screen which displays the location of the company. There are sites such as Google Maps, which attempt to provide a comprehensive guide to locations, and satnavs which guide people as they go about their work and leisure. There are a multitude of apps which have maps of various descriptions and levels of usefulness.

I’m sure someone, somewhere, has come up with an app which shows what the layout of your location looked like in the eighteenth century, telling you what companies used to exist in the buildings you pass every day without a second thought. History drips from each and every map, and that alone makes them an intriguing and possibility-laden tool. There is a lot more which can be done with maps, but we aren’t talking specifically about maps today.

The thing you should be seeing here is that maps are scalable – they transcend their use in other media.

The difference between maps and EPGs is how they can be exploited on a large scale, and this way of seeing things is something you should be looking at in everything you do, and in everything you experience. Can something be sliced out of its location and expanded in isolation, or is it best left as is? There’s usually a clear Yes/No answer to this, and if you can’t immediately see the way in which something can be utilized outside of its current use, then the answer is likely “no.”

A lot of people these days have many different things on their sites and blogs, and while I appreciate the convenience of having these disparate projects gathered together in one place it does mean that people wanting only one of these interests highlighted have to wade through material which isn’t of as much interest to them. By splitting things out, the material of interest can be intensified in its concentration on a specific subject. This isn’t something which will work for everyone, and I accept that some interest are only ever going to be marginal, though in this instance I think I’m on the right track.

Crowdsourcing in Meatspace

When people talk about crowdsourcing, they often use it as a term which exclusively applies to the internet. This is fine, as far as things go, but there is a lot which can be done in day-to-day interactions which go some way to answering the question of this having a real-life equivalent – let me start by offering a small piece of advice:

When surrounded by extremely talented people, it is common sense to make use of the wealth of experience and knowledge that people have.

While I’ll always be hesitant to flat-out ask for help, I have been picking the brains of some of the programmers who I have access to at the moment. It has been rather difficult putting into words some of the effects which I always wanted to achieve, and struggling through some difficult (and highly experimental) notions on my own hasn’t produced the results I’ve been after, which is why talking things through – however imperfectly, and however far from implementation – has been a great way to figure out the edges of the possible. These discussions have revealed hitherto-unsuspected means by which to completely alter the appearance of common utilities for rather dramatic effect.

I still can’t reshape tags and categories into something useful – and I doubt either will improve any time soon – but there is real headway happening.

Before I get any further into the main thrust of crowdsourcing in everyday life, addressing the limitations of tags and categories is important.

Grab a book – any will do, so long as it has chapters, sections, segments, or its contents are otherwise separated somehow. A film guide, cookery book, or any index is perfect for this. I want you to loo through the contents for a moment, and see how things are laid out in a very specific manner. Most film guides (or guides to musical artists, television series, novels, or other media) is usually handled alphabetically, with – in certain instances – a small section at the back of the work ranking these by ratings, or years released, or some other metric.

Now take a look at any blog doing much the same function as one of these guides. Take your time and work out what is different about the two media.

Anyone with a sense of order and logic will note immediately that the online versions of these guides aren’t (usually) presented alphabetically. In order to have an alphabetical list you need some side-scripting in play. However, when using tags or categories to search through a site’s contents the material is presented in a ramshackle manner, with no sense of planning at work. Tags and categories are even worse when the important aspect of a post isn’t the entire post, but merely a small portion of that post. Then the tags and categories are next to useless, returning a great amount of useless (and counter-productive) material.

We can consider categories to be a top-order sorting method, sorting posts into a handful of groups which have a specific area of interest. If you look at blogs which focus on pop-culture, you will likely see a Music category which returns reviews of albums, singles, and possibly live gigs, as well as noting where interviews have been published. You might get posts dissecting promo imagery, noting which posters are for sale, talking about merchandise, and other results. If you are only looking for reviews this can be annoying. Worse, when a review is buried in a post which covers other things a reader might not look all the way through the post, preferring to go elsewhere to read a standalone review.

Tags a second-order sorting method, able to look at specific things – a particular band within the music category, say. Narrowing down the number of results to those which comply only with the specific area of interest required. There is, however, a problem with this method as well – if someone is covering things as they come across information the results will tend to jump around the timeline of the band: making note of the release of their second album, then covering their formation, then looking at a reunion tour, then a review of their first album, before covering the childhood of the lead singer, then noting their break-up. There is (currently) no way to sort tags by the date the material covered occurred, only by the date the piece was published.

What we need, then, is a more refined third-order sorting method, and one which doesn’t rely on the whole post being considered important.

Sections have long seemed the method by which this can be accomplished, though I am skeptical of their backwards-implementation – who has the time (honestly) to go through everything they have written and objectively look at each paragraph, then place code detailing to which larger work it belongs, and where in that work it should be placed?

Lets say, for argument’s sake, that someone has written extensively on television. Their content might be broken down in Categories by the nationality of each series broadcast (ignoring the thorny problem of joint productions), with each series earning its own tag. Maybe, in this scenario, there are some posts which cover rarely seen television shows, or which cover those which are no longer extant (in whole or in part), though by looking at the categories and tags it is difficult to see in which order the events took place.

What would be required is a way to:

a) return only the information pertinent to the subject of lost series or missing episodes.
b) arrange the order into a timeline of when each show was initially broadcast.
c) split out only the information about the show (ignoring commentary and personal updates)
and d) join the information seamlessly so that it appears to be a longer work split for internet publication.

Almost everyone ought, in this day and age, should be familiar with the big names in CMS . Instead of looking at these as cheats (which I often do), I’ve been attempting to ponder the ways in which they operate, and how they could be radically improved for the benefit of readers. Considering the range of subjects which can be covered in a single post – especially from anyone with eclectic tastes – this might be something best handled by an overlaid application, able to be accessed by a blog’s creator while viewing the resultant pages without going into the control panel to make alterations.

By selecting a section of text, one ought to be able to give the highlighted material a meta-tag related it specifically – perhaps “Everything I’ve Written About John Coltrane” – before highlighting other paragraphs and tagging them as being specifically about Tim Buckley, or Iggy Pop, or Linda Ronstadt, or Robert Johnson, or whoever else. Then, because selecting individual paragraphs on a given page to return isn’t going to magically sort them into order, there needs to be a secondary action where the (rough) chronology of the event can be indicated. It would make sense to have the ability to override this, however, to place it within the collected material in a specific place.

Once enough material has been properly curated (at least a few thousand words) in the prescribed manner there should be a place on the dashboard to further fine-tune what is a single work. each paragraph able to be grabbed and moved up or down in placement in the collected document – though not edited, as this would also change the original post. Having placed the “collected highlights” in order, the same software which allows for the tagging and ordering of the text really needs to do something with the results. My initial thought was that there should be a generated page presented to the reader, giving them only what they came looking for and nothing more, but something else occurred to me…

What if the completed document could automatically be pushed to, say, Smashwords?

Crowdsourcing in Meatspace (second attempt)

I seem to have got sidetracked. I’ll attempt to remain on-topic, but don’t hold your breath.

As I was saying, there’s a lot to be said for asking really smart people their opinions on attempting something before you go ahead and do whatever stupid thing you intend to do. It isn’t a way of proceeding that I have ever really thought about, preferring to leap first then check out where I’m likely going to land. It has worked in my favor as much as it has been a hindrance, and the mixed results really should tell you that getting someone to check over your plans is probably a good idea.

Some things have proved utterly impossible even using the full range of tricks, but – in almost every conversation – there have been nuggets of information I’ve been storing away. Small details which, when placed together, are enough to provide me with a rough guide with which to proceed. There are things which, although they might prove difficult to implement, are very tempting… Almost enough to justify doing something crazy with the bones of the Database. I didn’t want to tread over old ground without a notion of how to make it work perfectly, but the On This Day feature – so cramped and neglected within the guide – was the perfect thing to expand and nurture into something greater than itself.

An aborted attempt at dumping a bunch of stuff online brushed up against the possibilities of the feature, though my considerations there hardly covered enough to justify immediately proceeding, and when work interrupted the process I put the thought to one side. Now, with things more or less settled for the moment, it is time to reassess the concept of expanding and refining the concept. This led to the first of two things which would prompt my decision to remove the feature from its current home – the scripting required.

Having adequately covered how my brain processes what should be achievable with current technology, I’ll move onto the suggestion of doing something with a proper platform…

There are days where you find the perfect thing you need for the work you have to do almost just sitting there, ready to be plucked up and used. Then there are days where no matter what you do, or where you look, the perfect tool for the job remains ever out of reach. There’s a few things which, despite rarely being used, are essential to have in your toolkit for the moments where they come in handy.

Here’s another piece of advice for you – never turn down an opportunity to play a game. If someone suggests you might want to turn up to play a board game with a handful of interesting people don’t immediately write it off as something which isn’t for you… Grab these moments, as they often work on the parts of your brain which need a little oiling once in a while. I spent a very enjoyable evening, and, for a small while enjoyed a game of Trivial Pursuit.

On Monday the 22nd this game led into a conversation regarding the way in which certain television series have seemingly been completely ignored by the internet, and how the lack of information perpetuates the lack of awareness – it is a problem that can only be solved by presenting information about these series into public awareness, but tracking down such information is hardly profitable when so little is known about the series. A classic Catch 22 situation. If someone was to systematically present these forgotten series in some way, the audience might (generously) be a small, devoted one. That isn’t what most would want for their work, although generating enough interest to garner a large audience of the curious is quite possible.

Not only is it possible, treating the information surrounding these series with a splash of magic – tantalizing snippets of history focusing on the ingredients which are sure to bring in the curious – might lead to such a resurgence of interest that the near-invisible series from not-too-long-ago might, eventually, be released to the public either on a physical format – a dedicated DVD or Blu-ray, or as a special feature on a computer game – or even on a digital platform somewhere. The starting point for any of these shows to gain traction these days is repeated exposure to their existence, and that requires a special kind of presentation.

By the morning of the 23rd I had a list of around fifty shows which, for various reasons, have never been repeated nor released on DVD. That it is possible for me to do this without a great deal of effort – merely searching for the shows through Google and clicking through two or three links – should tell you something about either the woeful treatment certain series receive, or will merely confirm the depth of my obsessive-compulsive tendencies. When I covered the Compact Annual, noting that I had no idea what the show was about, I never suspected that things would lead me to deliberately uncovering more information on shows which had disappeared from public view, though in retrospect my frustration at the lack of adequate information being readily available must have lingered in the recess of my brain.

It was working out the breadth of productions absent from any retailers’ lists which, combined with the interest of people who had heard of some of the shows, that the second thing to push home the notion of repositioning On This Day happened.

With people who knew code to hand, and with suggestions for shows that ought to be better remembered, things began to snowball. On the 23rd I decided to register a domain on which to place day-specific comic-book information, and – the next day – I picked up three more domains on which to detail the history of television series, films, and music. Every time I think I’ve covered enough to justify a launch I’m confronted with another coding challenge, and when I think that the code is (more or less) stable and cohesive enough to launch I pick up more information which needs to be added. I’ve been very conscious of certain failings which exist in similar things, deliberately avoiding the common pitfalls.

Posted in Misc., Over The Line, writing | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Future Is What You Make It

Posted by BigWords on October 29, 2009

Some of the strange notions that pop into my head can be disregarded as meanderings, but when I happened to mention a super-internet idea to a friend (the concept of which is really hard to explain here, but I’ll try) there were some aspects I had to concede were good. Maybe not to Steve Jobs or Bill Gates, but to me they seemed a sensible way forward once the kinks could be worked out. It is, of course, gonna play into my NaNo novel, but the idea of creating a customizable and completely interchangeable internet experience needs expounding…

How many social networking platforms are out there? Too many. In the future of my NaNo there will be an identity card style homepage for everyone, where they can use whatever they want to share with the world. Compatibility issues will be a thing of the past, and the entire internet will be one large social networking scene that has multiple sub-categories for individual likes and dislikes. Into comics? There will be a check button to join that category. Into films? Yeah, check button. Into mind-altering substances? You guessed it, another check-button…

Forums, which I kinda have an addiction to joining – and spend all night surfing for great threads to haunt – should be one area which future software can really improve on. I like a lot of forums the way they are, with maybe the exception of really slow ones like the NaNo set-up. A meta-forum, where millions of different forums (yeah, I’m not using fora here, just ’cause) will merge into a single entity would be great for hot discussions. Threads splitting and merging and splitting again as the number of commenters adding their voices increases…

A person would never have to join another forum again. Join one, and you join them all. A geek’s dream come true.

E-mail, which has been getting tweaks and nudges ever since its’ creation, would – I am certain – be replaced by an IM / SMS-type communication between individuals. When processing power has achieved the ability to create real-time VR, which is quite a few years off even yet, we will have avatars speaking for us in voice communication so real that it would appear animals could talk. This is something I really want, even though I know I’ll probably never live to see the concept realized… Damn limited human longevity we currently have to accept.

If bleeding-edge technology lives up to the promises of various experts, we will see a rise in e-commerce that will make even the largest internet companies of the modern world seem like fly-by-night operators. Hundreds of billions of transactions made every minute, with exponential growth thanks to a subservient robot workforce that can load in new software to accomplish even the most complex of tasks. This will, naturally, see the end of shopping centres as a place to buy product, but it might just reestablish the locations as a place to congregate with friends. I’ve never been one to believe that a completely digital existence will ever come to pass.

I’m still undecided on cybernetics as a point I should bring up in my novel, because the issues which arise from medical procedures to augment human bodies is one which has been covered to thoroughly – and so well – elsewhere. William Gibson is the standard SF text for that kind of thing and, along with Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex, is in no need of a reheated and half-hearted answer from myself. There may be minor allusions to the procedures available, but the more I think on the things which would need to be addressed the more I worry. It’s not enough to parrot accepted ideas… My story has to go somewhere new.

The one area I will be completely avoiding, due to the terribly complex and ever-shifting debate on, is the file-sharing one. Never have so many intelligent people been involved in an argument with so many half-assed assumptions in the history of the internet. I can’t even begin to explain why some of the utterances made my music chiefs are so stupid, because every time I begin to make a balanced argument for file sharing they decide to change their objections… “We’re losing money,” (no, you really aren’t) “It’s immoral,” (and the music industry is?) “File-sharing is evil,” (and music producers are all saints?)…

Added to the confusion which exists about copyright, and you have an impossible task wrapping a fiction around the subject which is less stupid and unbelievable than the truth.

You will, of course, be able to see whether I have managed to think this concept of a super-internet through thoroughly enough when November rolls around. Ye gads, two and a bit days to go… I’m gonna have to sit down and really think about the opening scenes if I have any hope of sounding at least semi-coherent. Time has flown by so quickly that I haven’t even managed to begin working out where some of the jokes and references I want to use can be dropped in…

I may just pop over to Microsoft to talk with someone about setting the internet to rights after November… I kinda like the idea of putting Facebook out of business.

Posted in Misc., Over The Line, writing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Epic Fail

Posted by BigWords on October 19, 2009

After the seemingly neverending problems with my internet connection, which cost too much money and waaay too much energy to resolve, I now have another technology-related issue. Or two, rather, as both my kettle and microwave have committed seppuku rather than be at my beck and call. I’m sure that the built-in obsolescence of modern gadgets is one of the most destructive aspects of technology.

Think of the small mountains of iPods lying in refuse heaps across the world, or the fridges which seem to be dumped along rural roads at random intervals… Surely that isn’t due to their being replaced with newer and shinier versions, but because they are built with the expectation that they will be upgraded. They aren’t built to last because manufacturers don’t believe they need to last.

I’m the kind of person who won’t throw something away unless there is absolutely no hope of getting it fixed, but I’ve noticed that nearly everyone else is less concerned with keeping their appliances and entertainments around when they get past their prime. Is it really worth spending good money on things which will have a useful lifespan of less than a year? I’m not so sure.

Boiling water on the cooker is fine, ‘cept for the fact that it increases my chances of burning myself by about a couple of hundred percent, but the microwave… Ack, the damned infernal machine knew – it knew – I would want a cheeseburger at 3am and killed itself with the knowledge that it would throw me off my routine. If it wasn’t already kaput it would be getting thrown, rock ‘n’ roll style, out of the fucking window.

I’ve tried to make sense of the guts of the machine, but they are designed to be repaired by rocket scientists rather than reg’lar geeks, so it looks like I’m gonna have to make a dash for the high street tomorrow afternoon.

I may not survive the night.

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