The Graveyard

The Lair Of Gary James

Posts Tagged ‘michael jackson’

The Very, Very Last Word On Michael Jackson

Posted by BigWords on July 22, 2009

There has been enough bullshit spread about Michael Jackson’s life. I thought it would be nice if I just put up a few pictures of the star in better times – just to remind everyone that he was completely normal, loved his children and knew how to dress well.

mj-twomj-one

Okay, so maybe it is hard to find images of Jacko looking even halfway normal, but at least I tried. I’m still not sure if he was completely insane, or if his ‘eccentricities’ were a fabrication of media and PR assholes desperate to generate interest in a car wreck of a singer. He is not going to be remembered for his music, regardless of quality or popularity. He’s gonna be remembered as a grown man who shared a bed with children and for ‘Jesus juice’.

mj-three

Just look at his nose. you can’t miss the schnoz, and tell me the eccentric plastic surgery fetish wasn’t caused by some delusion. It wasn’t as awful as the bride of Wildenstein, but damn

Now that he is dead, the floodgates are open for every nasty, spiteful bit of gossip that everyone was shit-scared of publicly stating. No more. We are free to revel in the darkest and most disturbing facets of his life. I’m surprised that the overall reaction has been so warm, considering the things he was accused of, so I’ll finish up here with this…

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The Dead Pool

Posted by BigWords on July 1, 2009

I’ve been pondering the recent celebrity deaths, at some length may I add, and have eventually come to the conclusion that the only winners in life are the folks who are willing to gamble a little. How much money did Michael Jackson’s death make for the scumbag media vultures, folks who were picking at his bones before his body was even cold? It isn’t exactly fair. Why should they get all the cash from another human being’s death? I wanna play too.

You know what that means: A “Dead Pool”. Get your money ready…

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There are some (simplified) rules over here, though the “random celeb” bit doesn’t exactly press my buttons – I want to pick who I’m betting on. Here is a helpful ‘starter deck’ for those who want to play along at home. You can collect more as you begin to understand the finer aspects of the game, but by the time you have mastered the entry-level stats and pools you’ll be looking for a more complex edition. Consider this the AD&D of the game, with a few more twists and turns in gameplay, a more complicated scoring system and a world of fun to be had. You’re wondering how, by this point, to pick your selection: Celebrities win over politicians, civic leaders or religious figures most of the time (check here to see clarifications of ‘famous’).

There are variations on points-scoring as seen here, though it shouldn’t be too difficult for even the math-illiterate to play. The most important fact when playing, and one which some people still don’t do their homework on, is whether a person is still alive or not. After the controversial 1986 ruling over the exclusion of Paul McCartney from lists (due to him having been dead for years!) I would stick with less conspiracy theory-laden choices. Check here or here to see if someone is still alive and, if claiming your reward for a correct choice, first seek information on recently deceased celebrities here.

Have you got a list figured out yet? I’ll give you a headstart:

  1. Patrick Swayze.
  2. Mickey Rourke.
  3. Pamela Anderson.
  4. Keith Richards.
  5. Amy Winehouse.
  6. Queen Elizabeth II.
  7. Whitney Houston.
  8. Gordon Brown

Recent rulings: The following celebrities are still alive, therefore NO MONEY is allocated to players –
George Clooney. [83/1] Harrison Ford. [35/2] Jeff Goldblum. [29/2] Natalie Portman. [71/1] Britney Spears. [10/1]

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A celebrity is for life, not just for Christmas their first sex tape.

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You Don’t Have To Be Miserable, But It Helps

Posted by BigWords on June 27, 2009

There’s a thread running through the media at the moment which goes some way to explaining the way in which deeply flawed human beings can produce great works of art. I’ve read all this before, and so (I’m sure) has everyone else. The basic theory runs thus: Happy, contented folks are most likely to do diddly-squat in the realms of greatness, while others – who are addicted to drugs, have long and painful illnesses, have no luck at relationships and are quite horribly fucked up – go on to soar in their chosen field.

Riiiiiighhhhht. So that’s why I’ve not written the Greatest Novel Ever Written, I’m too happy.

I hate the premise of the cod-psychology being trotted around at the moment for a few reasons. I would hate to think that Roy Orbison could only have recorded songs of such power and intensity because of his personal life. The opposite (that those songs were recorded despite his circumstances) is much more appealing, and gives a glimpse into the man’s willpower and intelligence. I’m not using Michael Jackson as an example, because every other outlet of opinion, information and hackery is beating the subject to death, so I’m sticking with past examples. If you’re missing you’re daily fix of salacious gossip, feel free to pretend we’re talking about MJ.

Some examples of crazy+ miserable = genius are so abstract in their implementation that it becomes painful to read the words. One particular subject for this brand of historical pop-shrinkage is Vincent Van Gogh, whose paintings “are obviously the work of a genius” and who was “miserable”. Okay, I’m willing to play this game… Explain how the two are connected? C’mon…

It’s all bullshit. The press needs to feed people a line, and the public are dumb enough to take the bait. If the corrolation between misery and genius was to be proven, then the poor saps who are routinely trotted out on stage in reality television would be producing novels, albums, television series and paintings whose sublime beauty and overwhelming strength would carry the ability to drive people to tears. They aren’t doing this, of course – they are too busy bitching about the trailer park they live in, or complaining that their twelve year old daughter is pregnant (again), or wondering how to open a carton of milk without pouring the contents down their front…

Am I being too harsh?

No. People, on the whole, are dumb.

You know genius when you see it. Certain folks are destined for greatness due to their inherent abilities, and nothing life throws at them will stop them. If Roy Orbison had a happy and contented life, he wouldn’t have been a lounge singer – he would still have been a great recording artist. Don’t pay any attention to the newspapers or television reports in the next couple of days, because the crap will be flying thick and fast as people try to get their two cents on the air. Wait a while, then go back to the albums and books which are considered the work of greatness.

I’m now ignoring CNN’s blathering completely. Ditto to the BBC (the Bullshit Broadcasting Corporation) and Sky. I don’t need the headache which accompanies their “news”, and I’ll just get irritated if I try to untangle their mangling of the English language…

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Everybody’s Dead

Posted by BigWords on June 26, 2009

“Yes, it’s breaking news… All life, everywhere, is now dead. There isn’t anything or anyone left… We’re just waiting on confirmation from CNN.”

If you’re reading that wondering what the fuck I’m talking about, then you really haven’t been paying much attention. In the wake of Farrah Fawcett’s untimely death, then Michael Jackson passing on, it seems that the internet has developed a taste for the macabre and salacious gossip of other celebrities dying. There are rumours spreading of the deaths of multiple celebrities in disease-related deaths, accidents, murders and other unconfirmed means. It doesn’t matter if they are dead or not – gossip-mongering fuckwits are rubbing their hands at the thought of breaking the “news”.

So you might be wondering who these internet ghouls are targeting, right? Pretty much every Hollywood star is fair game. “Haven’t seen his face around town in the last twenty minutes… Yeah, he must be dead.” The list of ‘alleged’ deaths is running so high that (if the perfect storm of bullshit were to be believed) the chiefs of the big production companies must be hitting the coke and vikes pretty hard right about now. C’mon, how would you feel if every single actor on the planet died in the space of twenty-four hours?

It’s a bunch of spotty, overweight shits, sitting at their computers and making up ever more elaborate and perverted means for their heroes to meet their maker…

“Hey, did you hear about Jeff Goldblum? He fell on the set of his new film and died…”

“That’s nothing. Richard Gere’s corpse was found naked in a hotel room, and there were hamsters running all around the body.”

“I heard that Colin Farrell died in a plane crash. There were loads of nuns and sick children aboard it. It exploded in mid-air…”

“So-fucking-what… Elvis came back from the dead, did a concert in Memphis, then blew his brains out with a shotgun.”

How much longer will we have to wait before the elaborate game of one-upmanship culminates in rumours of the entire cosmos disappearing into a black hole, with every single life form in the universe being made extinct at the same time? It isn’t exactly rocket science, and all a person needs to do to work out if the chit chat is based in fact, or if it is a croc of shit, is to ask the person who is alleged to have died if they are feeling all right. Dammit, if the assholes who are obfuscating matters spent one tenth of the time thinking on important matters, rather than their games of dead celebs, we might have a cure for cancer by the end of the year.

If you’re gonna make shit up, you might as well think big.

Who wants to hear about Australia being obliterated by a massive meteor? I just heard the news from a friend…

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