The Graveyard

The Lair Of Gary James

Posts Tagged ‘earache’

Home – At Last

Posted by BigWords on March 22, 2010

I’m back from the hospital. Actually, I’ve been back from the hospital for about an hour and a half, but the strain of trying to think – never mind answer questions while in pain, and without the fallback of painkillers (as they screw up the diagnosis) – has exhausted me. So… This is the first I’ve managed to pull myself together enough to post anything which doesn’t degenerate into incoherent mumbling, non-sequiturs, head-scratching references to things which I may have made up on the spot, and roundabout logic.

The waiting was the worst part. If you have watched Michael Moore’s Sicko, and noticed how our glorious health service has been lauded in other places around the world, you would be forgiven for thinking that things work brilliantly. My appointment was set for 9am, but I had to hang around (in a non-emergency area, there wasn’t anyone jumping in for major procedures) for a total of six hours. Six hours in which I wasn’t allowed to pop any painkillers, and I couldn’t even walk off the pain, because leaving would mean I might have missed my turn.

The docs – there was at least six people who took turns sticking things in my ear to see what was going on – asked so many questions before doing anything that I may have lost my temper once or twice. I’m hazy on the specifics, but the questions were mostly the standard, run of the mill stuff. Spellcheck. I have to keep using spellcheck because my brain isn’t passing along information to my fingers. I’m sure I wrote another sentence here, but it’s slipped away from me.

Umm… So, I’m officially dehydrated, and I’ve got high blood pressure. Tell me something new. Pfft. I was told to drink more, but they meant water, and I don’t like the taste of water. Red Bull is now verboten, which I kinda guessed I would be told. All of this was skirting around the fact my fucking ear was on fire and nobody seems to want to do anything about it. The pressure which had been building at the side (just to the back) of my ear was due to an infection which had gathered some liquid, or blood, or pus, or somedamnthing. The gunk was drained away, my ear cleaned out, and I got the news I had been expecting. The inside of my ear is all scratched to hell.

I’ve used in-ear headphones for as long as I can remember, mostly because those large ones that cover the entire ear feel clunky and are hard to use whilst doing the 1001 things I need to do. So, yeah… No surprise. The disorientation feelings, the loss of fine balance and the pain of the last couple of weeks have tought me a lesson – playing music through the speakers is waaay easier than making my ears worse. The nausea as well – I had to stop the taxi halfway home because I thought I was gonna puke, but it was the not-really-but-ya-better-check-anyway nausea. Upchucking in a taxi is fine if you’re eight or nine years old (or very, very drunk), but otherwise… Nope.

I’ve got a stash of painkillers which should last me at least eight weeks (even at my current usage), a bunch of antibiotics, vitamins (which the doc says I have to keep buying for a while), and three lists I should follow unless I want to be back in a hospital anytime soon. The screen feels weird to look at right now, and I’m not sure if the flickering is because of the monitor or my eyes. My cheeks and forehead feel like the skin is pulled so tight, and my forehead has a thin line of owie running across it. I keep imagining there’s something there, like the gold band Monkey wore. Tightening around my head and making the… Um… Somethingsomethingsomething.

My head doesn’t hurt as much as it did yesterday, but I’ve been left with a headache that isn’t shifting. I was going to write more, but trying to concentrate on the my fingers, the keyboard, and the damn flickering monitor is making things worse. I’ll be back online when I work out the right balance between tolerable pain and numb uselessness. Don’t hold your breath.

I smelled strawberries when they were mucking around with my ear. Not sure if it was some weird medication, a pain-induced hallucination, or synaesthesia kicking in, but it was so strong I could have tasted those fuckers. My brain hates me.

Every time I turn my head I feel like I’m going to fall over. This may be interesting.

I’ll conjure up more material from the hard drives and stuff when I can look at the screen without feeling like I’m about to pass out, and I have a drawing I did for my father’s birthday I did last week which I have to scan for my records. Gah, work never ceases…


Posted in Over The Line | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Some Kind Of Update

Posted by BigWords on March 9, 2010

Thwock, thwock, thwock, thwock, thwock…

The sound reverberates around my head, a constant reminder that I’m too damn stubborn to relax. This is all my fault, and I can’t help feeling that I deserve the pain. Ah, but you’re wondering why I dropped off the face of the planet – or, at least, the internet, which these days is pretty much one and the same thing… I have managed to get online to check out some stuff, but anything requiring concentration has eluded my abilities, the worst moment being Sunday afternoon, when the browser seemed to be scrolling down in a constant movement. It wasn’t the browser, and it took me a couple of minutes to realize that the problem lay not within the bowels of the infernal machine, but within my eyes. It’s the strangest feeling to have something I rely on so much (my eyesight) betray me in such a way.
Inside my right eye, under the bottom lid, is some kind of a spot or something, a little white blemish against the bright pink flesh, which has been furiously scratching at my eyeball every time I blink. And there is the noise…

Thwock, thwock, thwock, thwock, thwock…

Damnable noise. The earache is back, and it sounds for all the world as if a Chinook is trying (unsuccessfully) to take off in my head. The inside of my ear feels like it has swollen to three times its normal size, and the entire left side of my head is throbbing in sympathy pains. Couture damnations, indeed. I knew that there would be a Karmic penalty for the constant activity which has driven me from everything I had lined up, but I didn’t realize it would be so blunt, so sudden and so terribly debilitating. Maybe it has something to do with the limited amount of sleep I have had over the past few weeks, ’cause the last time I felt this shitty was when I found it impossible to sleep.

So sleep, huh. yeah, the most I have had recently is two hours at a stretch, with the average being about an hour. I’ve tried all of the so-called remedies, but they are – more or less – a complete waste of time. The drugs which claim to give uninterrupted sleep used to work, but I was taking double the recommended dosage every time I used them, and even then I only hit about five hours of decent sleep. The damn earache has been waking me up as soon as I can get shut-eye, so that only exacerbates the problem. The thumping, ricocheting noise which threatens sanity and destroys the ability to develop any level of concentration continues, beyond the reach of painkillers and meditation techniques alike – the demon which will not be satisfied until something snaps.

Thwock, thwock, thwock, thwock, thwock…

I’ll share a little something here, just because there seems to be a misunderstanding amongst folks who can sleep normally, and I expect you to be paying attention – there is no fun to be had with this shit. Seriously, whenever there is a film or TV show where a main character has insomnia it rapidly flows into the realms of fantasy… I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had to switch off a DVD or change channels because of the idiocy of the script. There are levels to insomnia, and there are different types (subtle differences to doctors, perhaps – the end effects are still the same), but never have I experienced the kinds of stuff you see in films. No hallucinations which feel real, and certainly no conversations with imaginary people. No fun aural hallucinations either. I do get time displacement, which is rarely given any consideration in media representations of the affliction.

Time displacement is weirdness squared. I generally manage pretty well, but on the odd occasion where I get hit hard… Not the best time to try and make sense of anything I say or do. When I arrived home on Sunday night I dropped my bag in the hall, made myself a coffee, then worked out a schedule which would be the best use of my time (hitting the right connections) for Monday’s travels. I then grabbed my bag, checked my watch, and discovered that I was late for the train – a full six hours before I actually needed to catch the train. This is typical of being awake for so long – days kinda bleed into one another, and only the darkening of the sky is any indication of days passing by. Lost time is similar to time displacement, but altogether more scary. I black out for short periods of time, less than a couple of minutes mostly, while I continue to perform whatever it was I was doing when I black out. When walking along a busy road this can be life-endangering. Still think insomnia is fun and games?

And my eyes… The rawness has (mostly) disappeared, but my eyes still hurt. I think I may be dehydrated, but I can never remember if I have drunk anything – or, for that matter, if I have had anything to eat. Trying to keep an eye on how much weight I may be losing isn’t really possible when I don’t know for sure which day it is, so the best I have managed to come up with is an alarm on my ‘phone which beeps every eight hours reminding me that it is a good idea to get some nourishment. Better than starving to death I guess. Is it unusual for a person not to feel hungry? Or thirsty? No idea. The times during which my sleep patterns have leveled off seem so distant now that it’s hard to recall exactly when the last time I felt ‘normal’ was.

I’ll try to post more regularly, but at the moment it seems that there is too much to deal with. Thank Cthulhu for codeine (the best over-the-counter pain relief ) and Jack Daniels… If I can hold together enough of my limited attention span together I may be able to write something worth reading soon.

Posted in Misc., Over The Line | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Pacing To And Fro Doesn’t Help

Posted by BigWords on September 8, 2009

I took today off, and I guess the constant walking in the rain has had more of an effect on my immune system than I thought. My left ear is screaming out in pain with the worst earache I have had in years, and my cheek, jawbone and the side of my neck is throbbing away with sympathy pains. It feels like I’ve been punched in the side of the face, so I’m not much use at the moment for anything other than snide comments and irritable complaining.

Last night, around 11pm, I had a really dry eye, and I thought that it might be the case that I was spending too much time reading stuff online. I switched off the laptop and started reading printed material, hoping that the achey pain would go away, but it turns out that the problem wasn’t with my eye. It’s my ear… And boy, does it ever hurt. Yeesh, it’s like a slow torture. Not painful enough to be bothering the doctor with, but sore enough to make me constantly distracted.

I’ve never experienced a painful nostril before, and somehow – because the human body is connected in ways that are unimaginably complex – I now have a noseache.

This feels like I’m venting somewhat with this post, but I need to share.

So the title of the post says precisely what I was doing for most of the night. And no, it doesn’t help. Neither does painkillers, thanks to my dumb-ass body refusing to recognise whatever is tucked inside painkillers that sends masking signals to pain receptors. Taking my mind off the ache with DVDs has yet to prove effective in any regard (not that Ben 10 season 1 is exactly gonna set my world aflame) and reading is… Difficult to concentrate on.

You remember the game kids play, where they hold a seashell up to their ear so that they can hear the sea? Well, I’ve kinda got that at the moment, only it sounds more like thunder. It’s annoying and disconcerting, but I’m sure I can think of a way to use this in a story… Which is the fucked up way writers think when something happens to them, right? I’m not alone here am I? Uh, right? Jeez, I’m in agony and all I can think about is using my current condition in a novel.

Maybe I should get my head checked out, and I ain’t talking about my ear…


I popped a couple Nurofen 200mg caplets about an hour ago, and they seem to be working better than the mostly useless Askits. Here’s hoping that they keep working their magic.

Posted in Misc., Over The Line | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »