The Graveyard

The Lair Of Gary James

When The Universe Smiles…

Posted by BigWords on June 27, 2011

Having made a point of getting my hands on a new ‘phone specifically for the purpose of keeping updated (and ensuring that everyone else was kept in the loop as well), I was rather annoyed to discover that Vodaphone doesn’t include a top up card with a new purchase. There was an entire week there (well… ‘there’ was a ways back) which felt as if I was in purgatory. The sense of being disconnected, of being unplugged, was completely unbearable for that first chunk of time, then… something happened. I’m not sure what it was, or why it happened, but I finally stopped fretting. This is a big deal, even though it may not seem like a big deal for most people.

For the first time in seven or eight years I was able to sit down and not think about the endless calls and e-mails, and I wasn’t thinking about work, or having to be someplace at a specific time. There are always jobs (small and large alike) which have a tendency to pile up on my to-do list, and somehow I was able to put the pressure to one side and just breathe. The Germans probably have a word for the specific feeling – they’re good at compressing complex states into words which encompass the emotional mood – though if there is one, it escapes me at this moment. I was completely calm and relaxed… It was a strange experience.

The universe may have smiled for a fleeting moment.

There’s a whole other post I could write about the period between escaping the clutches of over-protective relatives and timid doctors, and my return, but as I’m not sure of the precise mechanics of the psychological breakthrough just yet (or if this state of serenity is going to stick) it would only complicate my thoughts. Complexities have been plaguing me for so long that this still feels new and shiny, and I want to enjoy it for as long as I can.

Even though I am technically back – home, at any rate – I am still not ‘back’. There are some arrangements I want to make, and some papers I have to sign… stuff I have to do before I chicken out of the decisions made on my walkabout. It is long overdue I begin unshackling myself from the things which have been following me around for some time, and from place to place. My stored possessions hare already been dealt with, but other lingering pieces of business have long since moved from the ‘irritating’ column to ‘problematic’.

Further posts will probably make things clearer. Possibly. If none of this makes any sense, I apologize – this is still an unusual situation for me.


2 Responses to “When The Universe Smiles…”

  1. Welcome back, New Gary. You were missed. We are smiling now too.

  2. Big is back!

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