The Graveyard

The Lair Of Gary James

Mini-Fiction

Posted by BigWords on March 10, 2011

I know that the purpose of word wars (and the like) is to keep going until the time is up, but this came out “just right” before the time was up that I couldn’t add anything to it. It’s very short, but I found it hilarious as a first draft.

Okay, so I may have a very weird sense of humor…

Killing the man in the gorilla costume was a bad way to start the day, but it couldn’t be helped. Bobby made his way across the room, carefully stepping over the growing pool of blood and grabbed the baseball bat he had used, remembering that – at some point – he would need to wipe it down and dispose of the evidence carefully. The matted fur, where he had bashed in the man’s head, clung to the bat in clumps of brown and red – an intricate pattern not entirely unlike the viruses he studied through magnification all day long. Brilliant purples nestled in those stains, and blues of such purity that it was hard to remember that light once glimmered off the sleek aluminum. Placing it in a black bag, he moved over to the body and sighed – it had to be a fat guy… Killing a wiry little runt would have made this too easy. Biting the inside of his cheek, he hefted the man onto his side, so he could expose the zipper of the costume.

There was no zipper. Fumbling, he searched the man’s back for whatever device was used to keep the costume together – Buttons? Nope. Velcro? Again, the answer that came to him was a negative. Bobby’s mind reeled. How did the fat guy get into the costume in the first place? It was possible that he had been sewn into it, but everyone needs to take a piss every now and again, so why would a person go to such lengths… Letting the body drop back onto the floor, he moved to the kitchen. If he couldn’t get the guy out of the dumb costume the easy way, he would have to do it the hard way. Fingers playing a half-forgotten tune on the counter, he finally selected the right knife – not too long, and sharp enough to cut through the costume and the flesh.

As he turned, thinking of the zipper again, he realized that there might be another explanation for the lack of a way out of the costume. Heart racing, he looked to where he had left the body…

Growling, so tall in the confines of the apartment, the thing was making ready to lunge. Holding the knife in front of himself, Bobby said a quiet prayer under his breath and closed his eyes. This, he thought, is why people get away with wearing these dumb costumes. No-one ever wants to fuck with a real monster.

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9 Responses to “Mini-Fiction”

  1. Squeaky said

    *blink* dude – you realy *do* have a weird sense of humour. however, WTFLOLFTW. 🙂
    i likes it. 🙂

  2. bigwords88 said

    I keep trying to tell people just how screwy the thoughts in my brain really are… 🙂

  3. Amy said

    This has got to be one of my favorite first lines ever. 🙂

  4. bigwords88 said

    Thank you. 😀 Sometimes writing whatever comes (especially up against the clock) is the key to wherever the muse is hiding. I kinda like that line myself…

  5. Haha! I must have a weird sense of humor too because I loved it. Hope Bobby is good with the knife because the gorilla’s already survived a head-bashing. LOL You leave us wondering quite a few things in addition to whether or not he’ll survive the zombie gorilla or not: why did he kill what he thought was a man in a gorilla suit, what was it doing in his apartment in the first place?

  6. bigwords88 said

    I like randomness – which you can lay blame squarely on Monty Python for – so the fact that the guy in the gorilla suit / weregorilla was in the apartment in the first place can be written off as having appeared there unexpectedly. It’s straight from the “And now for something completely different” school of lateral thinking, or possibly the effects of an old head injury making itself known through my writing… 🙂

    Don’t worry about him. He won’t get eaten or smashed about by the big nasty. The tentacles making their way through the plumbing will get him long before he has a chance to scream. 😀

    • Oooh, so will there be a tentacle-themed sequel or prequel? Or is that type of thinking too linear for you?

      Were-gorilla…hmm, hadn’t considered that. Or perhaps it’s Bobby who’s the were-gorilla in a Planet of the Apes type setting.

  7. bigwords88 said

    Way too linear. 😀

    Throwing a random UFO appearance in wouldn’t be below me…

  8. Jet said

    Now this is my sort of fiction. Just the right amount of dark humour and blood.

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