The Graveyard

The Lair Of Gary James

NaNoWriMo: Pope Joan

Posted by BigWords on November 17, 2009

Cyia paused at the door. “I can’t go in. I have some… history with Joan, so my presence would only distract from the questions you need to ask.”
“You vouch for her?” Charlie pulled a packets cigarettes from his jacket.
“Yes, and don’t smoke. Joan has a thing about flames.” Cyia snatched the cigarettes from Charlie’s hand, “Don’t mention the fact I’m here either. Not a good subject matter if you are trying to get on her good side.”
“Do I need to know anything else? I don’t like surprises.”
Cyia smiled at the question. “Joan is all kinds of surprises.” She slipped a cigarette from the pack and started making her way back to the hov, leaving Charlie in front of the apartment building.

Charlie pressed the panel and stood back from the door.
“Who do I have the pleasure of?” Joan’s voice came through the speaker.
“My name is Charlie. I was told that you were the person to talk to.”
“Ah, the bright young thing making all kinds of waves.” The door unlocked. “Please, come inside.”
Charlie opened the door and stepped into the apartment. Joan stood before him. Six foot two in black stockings, she reapplied her lipstick to meet the guest. “Hello there handsome. I’m Pope Joan.”
“Pope Joan? You’re a guy.”
“Mmmm. And you are simply delicious.”
“Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but I didn’t come up here to suck your cock if that’s what you’re thinking, okay?”
“You would talk to the holiest of holies like that? You are a wild card, aren’t you?”
“I came here to learn about the Kings. I want to know everything there is to know.”
“First off, darling, I wasn’t expecting a blowjob. Secondly, I’m in a loving relationship with God. As for the Kings… There’s not really a lot to tell, leastways not much of interest.”
Pope Joan looked Charlie up and down. “You look taller in photographs.”
Joan turned and began making her way to the large couch deeper in her lair. Charlie could see that a large patch of scarring crossed the width of her back, understanding immediately why Cyia had told him to refrain from smoking.
“Please, do come in and… Make yourself very comfortable.”
Charlie followed her onto the couch, keeping as much distance as he could between them.
“You have pictures of me?”
“I like to know who the players are, and how the game is going, even if I have given up on the life of decadent crime and sinful delights which once I revelled in.” She sipped from a Martini, “They’re also something to fap over when the big man is looking elsewhere.”


I have abso-fucking-lutely no idea where this suddenly came from, but suddenly my SF / Thriller / Mystery / Horror has now been added to with comedy and… I’m not sure what else. The character of Pope Joan may possibly be my favorite character in the WIP so far, crossing off two of my unresolved elements. I didn’t have a LGBT character in there, and I couldn’t explain how Charlie rises to crimelord status. Problem solved. The scene is actually playing off of the one in The Matrix wherein Neo (the stupid white guy stereotype) meets The Oracle (the magic negro stereotype) for the first time. Seeing as how the film’s story is kinda lame I thought it would be interesting to take the piss, and the above segment is the result.

I fully expect complaints. 😀


2 Responses to “NaNoWriMo: Pope Joan”

  1. Amanda said

    Well, no one ever accused you of playing it safe, I’m sure. 😉

  2. bigwords88 said

    I’m aware of all the geeks out there, and the damnable Rule #34, so before anyone else comes up with Yaoi based on my concept I thought I would jump the gun. Or jump the shark, depending on what views I get back…

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