The Graveyard

The Lair Of Gary James

Epic Fail

Posted by BigWords on October 19, 2009

After the seemingly neverending problems with my internet connection, which cost too much money and waaay too much energy to resolve, I now have another technology-related issue. Or two, rather, as both my kettle and microwave have committed seppuku rather than be at my beck and call. I’m sure that the built-in obsolescence of modern gadgets is one of the most destructive aspects of technology.

Think of the small mountains of iPods lying in refuse heaps across the world, or the fridges which seem to be dumped along rural roads at random intervals… Surely that isn’t due to their being replaced with newer and shinier versions, but because they are built with the expectation that they will be upgraded. They aren’t built to last because manufacturers don’t believe they need to last.

I’m the kind of person who won’t throw something away unless there is absolutely no hope of getting it fixed, but I’ve noticed that nearly everyone else is less concerned with keeping their appliances and entertainments around when they get past their prime. Is it really worth spending good money on things which will have a useful lifespan of less than a year? I’m not so sure.

Boiling water on the cooker is fine, ‘cept for the fact that it increases my chances of burning myself by about a couple of hundred percent, but the microwave… Ack, the damned infernal machine knew – it knew – I would want a cheeseburger at 3am and killed itself with the knowledge that it would throw me off my routine. If it wasn’t already kaput it would be getting thrown, rock ‘n’ roll style, out of the fucking window.

I’ve tried to make sense of the guts of the machine, but they are designed to be repaired by rocket scientists rather than reg’lar geeks, so it looks like I’m gonna have to make a dash for the high street tomorrow afternoon.

I may not survive the night.


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