The Graveyard

The Lair Of Gary James

Maybe I’m Missing The Point, But…

Posted by BigWords on October 14, 2009

…I Don’t Understand The Appeal Of Celebrity Autographs

It’s something that bothers me when I browse e-Bay, and I’m not sure if it is an area that has mass appeal or is a niche, but the numerous signed photographs of celebrities has me thinking that I’m not up to speed with things. Why would anyone want the chicken-scrawl (rushed, so as to get rid of the person demanding their John Hancock) of a person who sensible individuals would cross the road to avoid.

Looking at the selection of signatures available on the internet has surprised me, with some names who I consider to be merely ‘infamous’ labelled as celebrities. Politicians are celebrities now? I know Tony Blair acted like one, but do we really need to inflate the egos of folks who already believe themselves to be above the law? And television presenters? A job which consists of reading from a screen doesn’t qualify someone as a celebrity.

The addition of sportsmen was nice, and it reminded me that not all premiership players are knuckle-dragging, dribbling, mentally deficient perverts, though the fair majority undoubtedly are just that. Some (okay, a handful) can actually write their name without the aid of a crayon. The autographs even look like they are spelled correctly, so I’m very impressed. Here I was thinking all footballers did was kick balls around and have sex with impressionable girls.

The prices being asked for these types of collectibles are astonishing. The idea that a person’s signature can be worth money is one I’m not completely unfamiliar with (I have a dozen or so signed books), but asking money for a bit of paper – or a photograph – with a signature on it is ridiculous. It isn’t like Wayne Rooney has ever accomplished anything with his life except bag a grandmother… Hardly an achievement.

While everyone else is begging for autographs, I normally do what comes naturally when ‘celebrities’ are around – I’ll pretend they don’t exist. That really pisses them off. And whenever a celebrity addresses you, it is worth remembering that they already consider themselves to be the center of the universe. Stupid celebrities will often say “Don’t you know who I am,” to which the only reasonable response is pretending you have no idea who they are.

Don’t pay for bits of worthless paper. Use the money to buy signed books by real authors… Celebrity autobiographies, as we should all know by now, are hardly ever written by the people on the front cover.

…The Obsession People Have With Celebrities Is Dumb

I don’t follow any actors, or singers, or… Whatever the Hilton bimbo does – it ain’t acting, ’cause I saw her film. I don’t read all of their interviews, or follow their Twitter feed, or check out their Facebook status, or any of the other multitude ways in which they pollute media with vacuous views and inane self-publicity in the vain hope that their lives will one day have some kind of meaning. They won’t.

Celebrities, as far a I can tell, are a side-effect of magazine and newspaper editors dumbing down their content in order to sell advertising space in their rags. They exist solely for their own benefit, and when they do try and give something back to society they normally misjudge things horribly. Anyone else remember a host of idiots celebrities appearing in a spoof appeal to save an elephant whose trunk got stuck up its’ ass?

And I, for one, have had quite enough of Bono trying to save the world.

The constant exposure which a handful of individuals receive has made the ‘career’ (ha!) of celebrity rather less impressive than it was half a century ago. The golden age of cinema was filled with more real celebrities than has existed in all the time since. Can you really compare someone like Rutger Hauer to Humphrey Bogart, or Piddly Diddly to Johnny Cash? It isn’t even a contest. Modern celebrities are useless.

The arrest (and continued detainment) of Polanski just proves how different times are. In the good old days the studio head would have bought off the powers of law enforcement, yet modern studios can’t even organize a half-decent cover-up. Whenever I see a ‘must-see film’ being advertised, normally big-budget and soulless works of inanity, I get a bit more cynical. There is going to come a time when I’m unable to look at a periodical altogether…

If anyone wants to defend celebrities, I’ll be waiting patiently with more ammunition for my argument… You can’t say I didn’t warn you.


2 Responses to “Maybe I’m Missing The Point, But…”

  1. Dara said

    I completely agree with every word you said.

    Seriously I don’t get the fascination with people who really aren’t the gods/goddesses that people envision them to be.

    And don’t even get me started on the fact that they make ridiculous amounts of money for acting/singing/whatever the heck they do. It’s really sad that people like teachers are grossly underpaid, yet someone just stands in front of a camera and says lines and they get paid more than I’ll ever see in my lifetime.

  2. bigwords88 said

    The Allied armed forces are seriously undermanned, paying for their own equipment and (the British at least) still paying tax. All of the money being squandered by people on glorified karaoke singers, sportsmen and actors should be redirected in some way to pay for those laying their lives on the line every single day.

    And teachers. Yes. They’re being short-changed along with the emergency services and other essential occupations. Want to guess why? Yup, that’s right. Those careers aren’t sexy or highlighted as being interesting. The media only cares about appearances and soundbites.

    I can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about this…

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