The Graveyard

The Lair Of Gary James

Things That Should Exist But Don’t

Posted by BigWords on September 23, 2009

There are some things which I keep expecting to find on the internet, but can’t quite seem to locate, so I thought it would be an idea to make a list of everything that people should have thought of before me. I refuse to believe that I am the only person that has thought about this shit, and everyone should be ashamed of themselves that they didn’t come up with these ideas first:

  • Real maps designed after the style of GTA 3‘s excellent (and colorful) in-game map. This would be the coolest thing since… Actually, it would be the coolest thing EVER. Not only would map-lovers be intrigued by the design aesthetic, but gamers might start buying things that are actually useful – like maps.
  • Remote controls designed to look like Star Trek phasers. C’mon, you know these would be cool. And they would serve a purpose.
  • Computer games with real-life repercussions… No, wait- Sorry, that one has already been covered. I don’t know whether to be surprised or horrified.
  • Sports with mortality rates. I’m partial to a Rollerball derby being set up, but a Death Race would suffice.
  • A bag / backpack which knows how much weight is being carried in it, and can warn of back strain. Somebody make one of these for me, PLEASE. Seriously, make one.

I could come up with more, but I’m afraid of being labelled a complete, irredeemable geek.

####

This isn’t worth a full blog post of it’s own, and sticking it here seems as good a place as any:

WARNING:

The following link must NOT be clicked on, under any circumstances. You have no idea what the fuck it is, you don’t know what lurks beyond the click of a mouse… You really don’t want to know either. For all you know it could be a picture of a fat, naked man, a sign-up page for the military, a horrible virus or merely a LOLcat page. You just don’t know, so why take the chance.

It isn’t worth it. Do not click on the link. I’m warning you, so you can’t come back here and blame me.

NOT. MY. FAULT.

Got that?

LINK

For the benefit of anyone who clicked on the link, I offer my full apologies.

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