The Graveyard

The Lair Of Gary James

Five Reasons I Ain’t Smilin’

Posted by BigWords on August 15, 2009

#1 Glenrothes

If you have been reading this blog for a while you will be aware of how much I complain. Trust me, my criticisms are nothing compared with the normal irritation I experience on a day to day basis. I spent the better part of the day in Glenrothes, which is Scotland’s answer to Milton Keynes. No, sorry… That isn’t quite accurate as a comparison, because people have at least heard of Milton Keynes. Glenrothes is the ugly stepsister to that vaulted locale, hidden away in the backwoods where her ugliness will be well hidden.

Unlike Kirkcaldy or Dunfermline, both of which have old and wonderful structures, the buildings in Glenrothes are uniformly bland. Some are even ugly to the point where they hurt my eyes, but those problems are as nothing when you take into consideration the wonderfully eccentric road layout. I’ve stopped playing racing games because they have bad layouts, but there is nothing to compare with the incredible number of roundabouts which litter the town. I was very nearly carsick being driven around the town…

It was meant to be a relaxing day out to de-stress from the last couple of months, but I swear my blood pressure rose as I walked around the indoor shopping centre.

#2 Telesales

Aren’t there laws about harassing people? When I get ‘phone calls from companies I tend to be dismissive, but when I received ten calls from the same company within the space of three days I got a bit more vocal. It is surprising to learn that yes, they will hang up on you if they can’t get a word in edgewise. I don’t talk that much…

Actually, I had better make a confession here. I normally put the receiver down and go make myself a cup of coffee. If the telesales people are still on the line, then I place the receiver back down again and check the internet for a while. I check back every five or six minutes until the line goes dead. It seems to work, and if they want to waste their money then that is their problem.

#3 Soccer

It might not be a big deal, but Britain has gone slightly insane with the current soccer season starting. It’s refreshing to see a crowd of men drooling and fantasizing over a bunch of honed sportsmen, yet claiming there is nothing whatsoever homoerotic about the experience. Yeah, I believe you guys… Keep telling yourself there is nothing more to a soccer game than the appreciation of the players game.

I’ve never understood the popularity of the game, and the complex rules (AD&D doesn’t come close) are annoying. Who cares where a person is standing, as long as the ball goes in the thingy? And what the hell is up with all the seats? Are people too feeble to stand for a few hours? No wonder the obesity crisis overtaking the country is so bad, when people would rather sit on their asses watching other people run around aimlessly.

Is it entertainment? No. Yet the news, and there is plenty going on in the real world, has been filled with people who I’ve never heard of and don’t give a damn about. I’ll be happy when all the clubs go bust, which can’t be far off given the economic crisis everyone seems to think exists.

#4 Price Hikes

Shops seem to raise prices whenever they feel like it, and it’s becoming really annoying to walk into a shop with (what was) the correct money, only to find that prices have risen since the day before. How does that work? Is there a special club? It seems the money-grabbing bastards club together for price hikes on popular products just to screw people over. I’m in a bit of a mood, but the point is valid.

Prices should remain static, or relative to other products, yet certain items have risen greatly in recent months. I’ll keep watching this situation, because smokes and alcohol are costing me enough as it is.

#5 Gardening

There’s a thin line between saving money on experts and suicide. In the past couple of days I have scraped the skin off my elbow trying to move parts of the gigantic shed, cut my head open on a tree, ripped a chunk of skin out of my leg and caught two fingers under a paving slab. I’m considering the possibility of getting experts in to do the work for me, especially since the garden is intent on killing me.

Okay, rant over. Getting back to normal now…


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