The Graveyard

The Lair Of Gary James

Get Down With The Sickness

Posted by BigWords on July 18, 2009

You can’t escape the relentless stories of bird flu, swine flu, monkey flu or porcupine flu (and whatever other types doctors will make up later in the week), so I’m shamelessly going to use the trope for my own ends. The Canadian crisis from a while back has already spawned a movie-of-the-week, t-shirts (kinda), a range of toys (probably), a musical show (not really) and is beginning to wear out its welcome in the media. Which is why I’m gonna re-invigorate the Fear The Flu franchise right here…

What we need is a central character who we care about. Someone who will stand up against the upcoming crisis, where three quarters of the world’s population will be killed off. It has to happen sooner or later because that is where the plot is heading. I’ve seen enough horror films to recognise the signs: People coughing in the street, the calm before the storm, the slow build-up  to a big season-end cliffhanger. We’re all fucked, right?

Sorry, but I refuse to take the government warnings seriously.

Statistics are meaningless when the people using them are unaware of the variables and in-built error-factors. When television presenters (who are the last people on earth you should be getting your medical advice from) start to drone on about how The End Is Nigh, you have to take their warnings with a pinch of salt. Anyway, I have my own theory why the rise of superbugs, contagious diseases and other contaminants are on the rise…

A chunk of history is called for before I begin launching into my theory: The United States Forestry Commission, particularly their fire department, started to put out forest fires in 1905. The guys thought they were helping Big Momma Nature out with their interference, but they stopped forest fires so completely that they caused more problems than they solved. The sequoias rely on forest fires every so often in order to breed, but the intervention of humans was crippling their ability to reproduce. The situation became so serious that they nearly became extinct in the middle of the last century.

What was the solution? Yup, that’s right… Let the flames rise high. ‘Cause that is what they need, regardless of what makes sense to the people who look on and say “Why doesn’t someone put out the flames?” It’s an evolutionary quirk that they rely on something for their survival which could so easily kill them…

Which is where I come back to the 3,649,821 varieties of highly effective influenza now being prepped by shadowy government agencies, soon to be released in a town near you. We need the cull that a pandemic will bring to the human race, just as the sequoias are dependent on the flames. We are running out of room on this planet, and we’re not going to get our asses into space any time soon. An evacuation of the human race into the dark of space is many, many years away from being anything other than science fiction.

The 1918 pandemic didn’t eliminate our species, but let’s face it – infestations are really hard to get rid of… And that is, essentially, what we are. We’ve crawled all over the surface of this planet, tainting nearly every area we have settled in. There have been many attempts by nature to get rid of us, and every single time we have managed to thrive in the aftermath. This is ignoring the attempts made on our own efforts to wipe out all life – the first nuclear explosion was hotly contested by scientists at the time, some of whom believed that it would tear the atmosphere off the Earth, killing everyone.

We came back, in greater numbers and with more diseases.

We’re desperately in need of a solution to a great many problems such as shortages of housing, jobs and food… I’m thinking that the apocalypse predicted by the low-brow presenters of television magazine-shows is the answer to all our problems. If it works, and that is a big IF (because “the best laid plans…” and all that), then we’re gonna have to come up with a way to prevent the rapid population growth that follows.

Do we really want to find ourselves back in this position in fifty years?

Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
Open up your hate, and let it flow into me
Get up, come on get down with the sickness
You mother get up come on get down with the sickness
You fucker get up come on get down with the sickness
Madness is the gift, that has been given to me

Get Down With The Sickness by Disturbed, written and composed by Disturbed

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3 Responses to “Get Down With The Sickness”

  1. Carol said

    Great post!

    I was just reading in the paper this morning that Canada has “given up” trying to keep an accurate count of the number of flu cases reported.

    And now they’re telling us that there will be more deaths from the H1N1 virus because of the civic workers strike in Toronto.

    Where’s Dustin Hoffman (from the movie Virus) when we need him? 🙂

  2. bigwords88 said

    The tiny (and I mean really tiny) number of worldwide deaths aren’t even a statistic yet, and people are going out of the house with paper masks on.

    There is more chance of a spaceship (piloted by Elvis) landing on your head than there is of dying of the hyped-up flu strains.

    And, for the record: Paper masks don’t protect anyone from anything.
    Keep wearing them, kids. Don’t run crying to me when all the paper-dust that is collecting in your lungs causes a horrible new cancer.

    Ahhhh…

    My work here is done. 😀

  3. Three important points to check out: high fever (more than 101 F) is typical of influenza of any strain and should be regarded as a red flag; 2) length for the 2 drugs we have that can lessen the length and severity of flu symptoms to be helpful, you must start immediately once the symptoms begin, so dont delay in calling your doctor if you think you assume have the swine flu, swine or otherwise; finally, most of the time respiratory problems are not as a result of influenze, as pointed out, but it can be tricky to differentiate. Call your doctor if youre not sure.

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