The Graveyard

The Lair Of Gary James

Mobile Madness

Posted by BigWords on June 18, 2009

Half-holidays are big in the UK, “Look, it’s a Thursday. Lets have a day off to celebrate.”

On these days I normally go home and stick on cartoons or a video game, but today I braved a venture to Dunfermline high street. It isn’t the prettiest place in Scotland, but it’s better than Ballingry… Just.

The bank was kind enough to let me take more money out, but the next time I turn up I’ll be getting nothing unless I remember the shotgun. I decided that a walk around the shops was in order, because there’s nothing worse than a wallet full of money. But… what to buy? I figured that now was as good a time as any to get myself a new mobile ‘phone, after breaking / losing / throwing away all of my exisiting ones. Half an hour of looking at the variety of designs later, getting the feel of the different types and examining the various prining plans, I made my decision – I bought the cheapest piece of shit they had on pay-as-you-go.

This is where the weirdness turns up again. It seems I can’t go twenty-four hours without something annoying the hell out of me, and today was no different. The ‘phone was fresh out of the bag, unused and completely untouched when I popped the sim card in, but it wasn’t long before I started getting text messages. The ordinary “Hi and thanks for giving us money,” which is only to be expected from a whorish company like T-Mobile, but also a certain adult text.

I quote:

“[Name Removed] has added you as a friend on FB. To viev her profile click here: [http removed] Adult FB Help [‘phone no.] optout rply STOP.”

Which is completely fucking insane on a number of levels. Firstly, there is more chance of Shane McGowan becoming Prime Minister than me joining something like Adult Facebook. It’s a complete piece of piss, and there’s nothing there I need. It isn’t something I’m drawn to, and if there is no need for me to go there, then I ain’t fucking joining. I’ve never heard of this woman who has added me as a friend, so she isn’t a friend.

Less than an hour later I get this:

“Im desperate for a shag! come meet me! Click here: [http removed] Optout send STOP to #####]

I haven’t had sex in so long my balls are turning to concrete, and a cornhole is now sending me bullshit texts designed to frustrate me even more… It wouldn’t be so bad if the spelling had been checked before the text was sent, but everything about the message got under my skin.

The morons behind these texts can now consider themselves added to my shit list.

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