The Graveyard

The Lair Of Gary James

After Gorno

Posted by BigWords on June 15, 2009

Not sure if I’m early or late with the realisation that Gorno is still big. I didn’t think much of Hostel, but the second film was funny enough to keep me amused; the Saw films have been so-so… Now there are more “Video Nasties” on the way. I wasn’t impressed with the DPP’s definition of films from the seventies and eighties as such, and the new raft of films being touted as ‘extreme’ just don’t seem… Extreme.
Note for producers: If you’re gonna make a film that people get queasy watching, then make sure you have the stones to go through with your promise to the viewer. If I see another Cabin Fever wannabe, I’m going to projectile vomit blood. Make the films terrifying.
Note for viewers: Don’t believe the hype, the films will never live up to your hopes (or fears, if you’re the kind of person who hides when Doctor Who is on the television). They aren’t going to shoot a real horror film until Takeshi Miike is allowed to play with Hollywood’s toys…

If you want a shopping list of the old DPP list go here. Most of the films should be on DVDs (I have some of them on video-CD’s burned from old video cassettes), or you can use BitTorrent to download them directly. Woah, what happened there? Damn morality elves are trying to take over the internet again.

My recommendations from the list: Zombie Flesh Eaters, Shogun Assassin, Cannibal Holocaust (which ended up in court in Italy after it was suspected of being a snuff film) and Killer Nun.

So, how does the horror genre step up?

To steal an old term (and a much overused one at that) we should think of Hardcore Horror as a side-step. Jigglin’ titties, as Bill Hicks would have said. Yeah, it’s the lowest common denominator, but it sells.

Picture it: Some blonde chick, bent over the kitchen table getting some serious tunnel love, then POW she grabs a knife from the rack, turns, slashing Bum Boy across the chest. He drops to the floor, blood gushing, his semi waving about as ‘the mood’ is shattered. Blondie grabs a bigger knife, turning him over onto his chest. The camera moves, so we can see Blondie pushing the knife up his asshole, twisting it as it goes in, her other hand free to give him a handjob.

Cut to- Blondie giving a blowjob to his corpse.

Damn, I think I might have hit upon my first film script with this idea…

“Hello, Mr. Bruckheimer, I have a script you might be interested in.” (pause) “Yeah, it’s fucking brilliant. It’ll be massive in the bible belt, those guys just love their moooo-veeees.”

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